I was the biggest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan in the world. Not only because I was crazy fat but I was just flat-out obsessed with these guys. I owned all the comics (the Eastman and Laird ones I happened to have been lucky enough to get into after the third issue came out, and finding back issues was then relatively easy, and yes, I even liked the Archie Comics version), video taped all the animated episodes, bought all the figurines (including the Usagi Yojimbo one, yesss) watched the movies over and over again…and of course, bought the game.

The home computer game (also the one that first graced the NES) was a dumb, bad video game, and the less said about it the better, and I felt really mad that I got hoodwinked into buying it. Like, how stupid was it that they couldn’t move around the sewers? They’re the God damn Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

But man, the arcade game? That thing was the BUSINESS. I was so obsessed with the TMNT arcade game that I got a local arcade to agree to sell me a machine, but then my parents flipped the hell out that I was willing to spend $7,000 of inheritance money on a stupid video game.

Will Smith was right, parents just don’t understand.